A New Year: no time to dwell on 2018

Welcome, all 🙂

Happy New Year! It’s been awhile.

My name is Danielle and I’d like to think that I am no fool. But looking back on some of the things that happened in 2018, I feel as if I fooled myself.

I was a fool for letting some things negatively impact me. I was a fool for not always letting myself be unapologetically myself. I was a fool for not realizing the good things that happened to me sooner than I did. But, that has changed. And I can only pray that continues to change as I go through the new year, and I hope we can all do the same. Let us not be fools!

Today is already the sixth day into the New Year and I still find myself sorting through everything that happened in 2018 – some things that I want to forget about and some things I need to continue to remind myself so I don’t forget.

We know this feeling all too well. This familiar sense of doing things we have always wanted to do. Why? Because it is the start of something new (queue all the high school musical fans out there). It might not always be the start of the new year; maybe it’s the start of a new week, a new month, a new season of life, etc…

The thing is, I think it’s important that we acknowledge these things because it means we are growing.

I am growing.

And I want to keep growing.

But in order to do that, I can’t completely forget what has happened in the past and hope that what I want to do as I start 2019 is not affected or shaped by 2018.

Instead, I realized I do have to think about the past. I have to know what it is about 2018 that has helped me want to do something great, daring, or risky as I begin 2019. That means processing the past so that I can move forward.

Nothing like a good ol’ game of roses and thorns, am I right?

Here are some 2018 roses worth fancying…

I played in Hoopfest for the first time. I actually competed in my final year of collegiate track and field and helped score points at Conference with my TEAMmates. My first time back in the ring was near my hometown and I got to share it with one of the first TEAMmates I had in college, with one of my dear mentors, and with my family.

I discovered one of the coolest ballrooms with my brother to dance at. I spent an entire summer with one of my best friends making fun memories, baking and cooking some of the best treats and meals ever. I celebrated friends and TEAMmates getting married and got to dance as hard as I wanted to. I watched Mamma Mia 2. Too many times. Kidding, I don’t think I could ever watch that movie too many times. I started my first full-time job. I started a blog and changed my vocational path. I met some new families to house sit for and got to pet-sit some of the sweetest animals ever. I discovered cashew milk ice cream by SoDelicious. Try the Snickerdoodle, people. You won’t ever go back to normal ice cream.

Perhaps some more in-depth roses…

I graduated from university – bless. I found an immunologist that knew what to do to help my body. And after three years of sickness and no answers, my body finally responded to an injection that slowly helped my recovery get on track – bigger bless! I sought therapy and learned how to better cope with with anxiety and depression – bless again! I learned healthier relational boundaries – mmhm, you guessed it – bless.

I learned how to ask for what I need when I need help instead of acting like “I’m all good” – something as simple as asking for a hug, asking to be in the company of a dear friend even if we aren’t doing anything crazy, or asking my roommate to help me carry in my things after a long trip. (Have you ever tried carrying loads from your car up and down flights of stairs multiple times?! Good lord). I let go of expectations and clung harder to my gracious, loving God – the reason behind any and every blessing!

And one of my most memorable roses yet… I finally (after four summers) got up on a wakeboard! You know how hard it is to get up on a wakeboard?! It’s like let-me-try-and-juggle-baseballs-whilst-rubbing-my-tummy-and-patting-my-head-on-a-tightrope-suspended-over-a-pond-of-crocodiles hard. Yeah. Well, clearly not for some who didn’t take as long as me, but it was still hard.

I kid.

Kindof.

I mean wakeboarding isn’t my biggest feat, but anyone who knows me knows just how much I love being in, and test all limits on, the water and that was definitely a highlight.

Moving forward.

Now everyone knows that with every rose, there are thorns.

If you’re not interested in the “thorns” part, skip this part of the blog and head straight to the part where I reveal a million dollar giveaway at the end.

Here are some thorns worth mentioning…

When I started collegiate track and field, I never anticipated how hard ending collegiate track and field would be. Although I was ready to move forward, it was still hard to close the chapter that was being written for so long in my athletics journey. I rolled my ankle playing Hoopfest. I was mostly just extremely annoyed more than anything else. I’m coming for you, corner of Post and Riverside. With a jackhammer and hard hat.

My anxiety and depression got the best of me. Sometimes, it still does. And it hits real hard. Other times, not so much. But when it does, it can feel crippling emotionally and mentally, and I try not to feel so insecure about it and what it might do to me and my relationships. But wow. It is hard and moving forward is not always easy.

My roommate and I were incredibly mistreated in our experience moving into an apartment. Luckily now, the living conditions of the unit we are in are safe and up to code. But wow, #adulting was REAL when it came to advocating for ourselves and picking a part our lease.

It is strange thinking about all of these things because it seemed like many of these events happened so long ago. Many events happened in JUST one year. And although each year presents itself with unique roses and thorns, I must say that this year presented itself with the greatest, fullest roses and the toughest, sharpest thorns.

I grew a lot this year. I grew in many ways that I didn’t know that I could grow. And I think this growth happened because I chose to grow. I chose to problem solve when things happened unexpectedly. I chose to allow myself to feel emotions as they came and get to the other side of them. I chose to try my hardest to not let my thorns demotivate me from the trajectory I feel called to.

And now I am SO READY to say goodbye to 2018, no matter how many good things happened.

Why?

Because the good things that I learned, the skills I gained, and the amazing people I grew closer to in 2018 are with me as I start 2019. I have no intention of letting go of anything good that happened to me as I live out my best version of myself in this new year. And I certainly do not intend to let my insecurities get in the way of where I want to go.

With all that said, I hope you don’t fool yourself into situations that you know aren’t going to lift you up. Do not let your insecurities fool you into making poor decisions nor let others fool you into thinking you are incapable of accomplishing what you want.

Cheers to a new year where we can love ourselves and love others. Cheers to a new year where we take risks and be brave. Cheers to a new year where we find and know who is in our corners to keep us going, supporting us when we are insecure or when we fail. Cheers to a new year where we don’t fool ourselves.

I know I am learning to love and be proud of myself better and better each day. I know who my God is. I know which people are in my corner. And I sure as hell know that I am ready to take bigger leaps of faith in this new year because of my God and my people, with my renewed health, state of mind, AND new hair 😉

xoxo

“Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord, & free themselves from the fools.” – Unknown

P.S. If you skipped the thorns part to find the million dollar reveal, here you go. Here’s my million dollars worth of hugs because yo girl is broke, aight? I can dream. So can you.