Welcome, all!
It’s been a hot minute. How are you?
My name is Danielle and I realize that I have yet to properly introduce Love Like You Should. Let’s unpack that, shall we?
Also, I’m doing wonderfully, thanks for asking.
Moving forward.
Love like you should: a phrase that has resonated in my mind for over a few years now. Over the last few years in college and post-college life, I have had much time to self-reflect, to indulge on what lessons I am supposed to learn as an adult, and to redefine what my values are.
There are many ideas and topics that I have in mind for this forum, including these experiences that I have learned. Some of these experiences are already included in my previous posts. I wanted to start this blog off with ideas that were exciting, fresh, and most relevant to me at the time. But now, in this particular season of life, I find myself in a new transition. I am pursuing graduate programs and I am realizing the people that have encouraged me most as I commit to this decision are far away, have moved away recently, or are moving away within the next few months. And amidst this time of more change, I find myself trying to cling to all the positive moments and memories I have with these important people instead of clinging to the sadness that accompanies my goodbyes to them. Don’t get me wrong – I like change! Change is good. It keeps us learning and growing. And it also helps us refocus on our “why,” in life, which I also find important.
But that’s besides the point of this post!
Moving on. Quickly. In the same way Spring moved on in Spokane. It’s fine, I’m fine. Summer is here and it’s great. Not scorching at all. Hm? What? Did you ask me something about it being too hot? No? Great. Because I didn’t want to tell you about my chocolate chips and coconut oil melting in my house because of the Spokane heat anyway.
And so, I find it fitting to really unpack why I named my blog “love like you should.” Because right now, it seems most relevant to me that loving those important people that are moving is going to become more challenging as proximity plays a great factor in those relationships. I want to be as loving, if not more, to not only maintain those relationships, but to continue to be inspired and grow alongside these people, despite the distance.
Here are some reasons why this is most important to me right now.
I suppose a more casual, tangible introduction to “love like you should” include the following: some of my goals for this forum are to be authentic. To raise questions. To challenge ideas. And to create an open dialogue about your own unique experience, too. Here I am to “show up.” To practice courage and be “brave.” To be “kind.” To “rest.” And get up, and do it all again, each day. Why not practice this now? Because I know that these are all things I will want to be able to do really well in all areas of life.
Love Like You Should derives from my own spiritual convictions as a Christian; I feel called to love people the way that God loves people, the way Jesus loved people. Jesus hung out with the ostracized, the outcasted, the “unlovable,” the less fortunate… because he saw that all God’s people were on the same playing field. That’s always the case.
Even when the other team scores 13 goals in the world cup game. Same. Playing. Field.
Over the course of the last few years, I have realized how my core values have evolved as my faith in Jesus has strengthened. To love unconditionally in our current society, even among the church, takes intentional efforts; it’s a selfless act whether it’s on a small or large scale. Words that come to mind when I think of the type of love Jesus portrays in the Word include “joy;” “delight;” “rejoice;” “unconditional;” “diverse;” “unwavering.”
These are some words that I hope continue to fuel the foundations I have in the relationships I have established over the years.
These are also the same words that I want people to think of when they interact with the church, when they interact with the body of the church, when they interact with me. I want to be a part of a collective group that honors God in the way Jesus lived, and those core words are values that I feel encompass what I have always known God to be, but for the first time, I am really living into what that means, I really feel what that means.
Brene Brown just recently came out with a Netflix special called “The Call to Courage.” If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend you do. She has a tasteful, authentic way of articulating her work in shame/fear/compassion/love/vulnerability research and how that continues to play out in her life. Plus, she’ll have you laughing a lot! (I mean, I know I am easily entertained, but seriously… she is a funny lady).
Honestly, she has so many great things to say in this talk that I’ll likely refer to in later posts, but for the time being, I’ll keep it fairly simple for the sake of time, length, and focus of this post…
Anyway.
I mention Brene Brown because I think she has some fairly remarkable points in her talk (she also brings this up in her Vulnerability Tedx Talk – you can find that on YouTube). After talking about the relationship between shame and vulnerability, she invites her audience to join her in the arena. The arena being the space that is only occupied by people who are going to choose to be courageous every day, knowing that they will be exposed, that they will be courageous, that they will fail, that they will be vulnerable. What comes to mind is one of those barbaric, Roman colosseums where people fought and the people in the audience got to jest and cheer at whoever was getting obliterated in the arena.
I know that’s not the literal imagery Brene wants to use in this case, but metaphorically speaking, that imagery is pretty spot on. And I think that is a little bit of an accurate description of how we end up living our lives in our constant pursuit of living courageously. In my case, as a Christian, I also believe that the arena I want to be in means living a life courageously honoring God in the ways I feel convicted to.
In a way, I find that living in the arena means I am constantly under the speculations of everyone around me; I cannot always hear or see what people are yelling at me, nor am I aware of the things that people are saying to correct or coach what I am doing in the arena.
The funny thing is, people watching me in the arena are always going to have their speculations, judgements, and means of changing what they would say or do as they criticize what I am saying or doing in the arena. BUT. They are not willing to join me in the arena… Hm…
Have you experienced this? Hearing what people are saying about what you’re doing, but aren’t willing to even try what you are doing?
When I am in the arena, the only coach I am listening to is God. God is the one in the arena, right next to me, and is the only one I want to be able to hear and feel next to me. This keeps my mind on the things I find that He wants me to pursue, to experience, and what people see in my actions because of that can hopefully see that they are dictated by my faith.
This also means that whatever banter, distractions, and judgements that come from the audience, who are not willing to jump into the arena, is utterly irrelevant to me.
Consequently, by not letting the negative things from the audience around me affect me, my pursuit of illustrating unwavering, unconditional, selfless love within the arena is hopefully a testament, a witness to the love of God and an invitation from people in the audience to experience that love, too. As well as, an invitation to the arena.
I think this metaphor is a great means to remind myself of these core values, which also reside in what I find to believe is loving like I should.
All this to be said, I think it is worth mentioning that we all know those times where it is hard to love people: the times our friends have lied to us, when our parents misunderstand us, when we encounter injury or sickness that seems to not have any quick resolution, when people reject us, when people don’t receive the gifts or love we have for them or want to give them, etc…
Loving people is hard. That’s why most of us continue to only love those that are easiest to love just because of the nature of loving someone that’s easy to love is easy!
(I really think that is the best way I could have worded it… it took me a few tries, but I think I got it…?)
Moving forward. Like Brene in the arena.
So far, the posts I have created have been my reflections on life thus far and are somewhat tied to the fact that I want to love in the way I feel called. To love myself, to love the things that are important in my life, to love the people God has so carefully put into my life.
I invite you to also love like you should, in whatever way that means to you. What I’ve written here is just a mere reflection of what my convictions are in what it means to love.
And I pray that “joy,” “delight,” “rejoice,” “unconditional,” “diverse,” and “unwavering” continue to be words that describe the relationships I have with my people, no matter the distance, when it comes to our love for each other, the people around us, and our loving God.
What does loving like you should mean to you?
All my love,
xoxo
Danielle
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35, NIV
love like you should 